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Braved treacherous sea currents and school of judgmental dolphins to locate the fabled ruins of Atlantis (GPS coordinates approximately “somewhere under that big blue thing”).
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Employed cutting‑edge sonar “intuition” and half‑believed ancient maps scribbled on napkins at a maritime-themed pub.
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Negotiated peace treaties with territorial merfolk, who grudgingly agreed to pose for tourist‑style selfies.
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Conducted rigorous artifact analysis using my patented “I’m-pretending-this-is-scientific” eye‑squint technique.
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Authored comprehensive field reports teeming with phrases like “totally real evidence” and “eyewitness accounts (mostly mine),” all while adhering to the Institute’s mandatory wink‑and‑nudge style guide.
